i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
