She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
