I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
