i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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