The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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