you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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