real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
