Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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