I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
