I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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