I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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