dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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