i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
