Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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