I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
