This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
