When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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