Soap is not a condiment
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
