Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
