I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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