I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
