Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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