Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
