I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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