This house was built for laser tag.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
