Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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