he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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