i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
