I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
