??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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