Cold hands, warm shart.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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