Me. At least after what I've been through.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
