Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
