So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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