On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
