My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
