he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
