he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
