we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
