My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can I color on your dick again?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize