we're chasing vodka with high fives
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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