True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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