I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
