As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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