Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
