the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
