He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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