Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize