I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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Can you bring me the toilet please
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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