Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
