If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize