Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
