put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
