Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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