Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
