Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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