He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The beer is more important than you right now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
