he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
