I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
