I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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