i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
