Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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